How It's Different This Time

Here, in this space, it appears that I am totally consumed with thoughts about our third addition.  Or at least that there is a balance. The fact of the matter is, if it weren't for this blog (that I rarely upkeep) I wouldn't likely be spending this much time thinking about or documenting this pregnancy. 

So much of what I do now is done because it just is.  I didn't contemplate when to switch to maternity pants when my small belly was hurting being tucked inside my regular ones.  I don't think twice about setting both kids in front of the TV so mommy can rest for 30 min. in that not quite asleep but not quite awake state that so many mothers I know have learned to develop as a method of survival.  I don't even think about what I eat each day-- I just eat.

It is nine weeks in, and I haven't yet taken a picture of my "belly".  Hell, I don't even have a cute posed picture of the kids from the Easter holiday in their adorable outfits!  I have to fake one tomorrow! 

We haven't contemplated names in any real sense-- though we have time.  And all our "big decisions" have already been made and we will follow suit with the decisions that we choose when Stink was first born:  vaccinate, circ, disposable diapers (though I did attempt for one hour to go green! ) and breastfeed.  Of course, if it is a girl, the only difference is that little surgery won't be an issue. 

I called my mom today because I thought there was something wrong with me.  All of the haven'ts seemed like such a long list, and of course I am excited-- but the excitement is so very. very. different for us for our number 3.  The excitement and nervousness of Stinks pregnancy was of course because he was the first.  We didn't know what was in store for us.  With Peach, we were excited to make Stink a big brother and how that would play out, excited for the little girl we were having, excited to expand our family.  This time, we kind of know what to expect with Peach and Stink as far as the sibling stuff goes-- and we are excited to expand our family, but this time, short of where the baby should sleep, the pregnancy...just is.  My mother described it best by comparing being a newlywed to being a couple married for  years....it is still love, it's just different.

And by different, does that mean better?  The saying does go that a fine wine gets better with age.  A good marriage becomes a great marriage with work and time.  Practice makes perfect.  Does becoming a mother get easier as you go?   I don't think I would want to relive that rushing around panic-y feeling reading everything in sight that I felt when I was pregnant with Stink.  It was new and wonderful and scary.  With Peach I was just able to feel wonderful-- not scared at all.  Easier?  I'm not so sure.  I don't think there is anything easy about all of the "ifs" of pregnancy, labor, and delivery.  Less stressful? Maybe.  More relaxed?  I think so-- but only to a certain extent.  I can't exactly say that I have much free time to enjoy.  But easier? 

The only thing that isn't different is the hope and prayer that this baby is very healthy.  With a small amount of hair on its head at birth.  And not over 9 lbs.  And arrives in a shorter amount of time than Peach did-- though I will not wait to go to the hospital so long this time-- being a passenger in a car during such an active stage of labor was not fun!

So maybe this experience will be immensely different from the first two.  It makes sense that it would be, but it is surprising all the same how quickly things change....and how much they stay the same.